Why is Joy So Elusive?
There’s this idea we all carry that joy should be simple. Like it’s just supposed to be there, waiting for us when we wake up in the morning. But if we’re honest, for many of us, joy feels questionable at best. We get little tastes of it—laughing with a friend, a good hug, a good song in the car, that feeling when the sun hits your skin, the first sip of coffee—and then it’s gone. Don’t get me wrong, some people seem to live in joy, like they breathe it in without effort. For others though? They can’t even muster it, no matter how much they try.
What makes joy so elusive? Why is it easy for some and hard for others?
Most of us are taught that joy comes from the outside. That we’ll feel it once life lines up just right. When we finally lose the weight, meet the right person, have a successful career, buy the house, have the money—then we’ll have joy. But here’s the hard truth: Joy isn’t waiting for you to get what you think you need.
Joy isn’t something you “find”. Joy is a choice!
Joy is in the present moment. It’s in the journey. It’s in your body’s ability to feel the experience fully, to notice the beauty of everything around you, to take in the little things. If we’re always looking “out there” or “ahead,” we’ll miss it every time.
Why it feels blocked.
If you’ve ever experienced trauma, stress, or heartbreak (and who hasn’t?), your system learns how to protect itself. That protection shows up as walls, fear, tension, hypervigilance—always scanning for what could go wrong. The body gets wired for survival, not for joy.
Here’s the problem: survival mode doesn’t leave room for joy. When your nervous system is braced for impact, joy actually feels unsafe and wrong. That’s why so many people struggle to let themselves laugh too hard, feel too much pleasure, or trust that good things are real. The systems you built to protect yourself also keep you from feeling joy.
Why some people seem “naturally joyful.”
Why do some radiate joy, while others struggle to muster a spark.
We’ve all met those people who radiate joy. They smile, laugh easily, trust life, they flow and seem light. And it’s easy to look at them and think, Why not me?
For some, it really does come from having a safe, secure foundation early in life. Their nervous system learned that the world is good, and will protect them, so they can relax and receive joy. For others, it’s the result of deep healing work. They’ve faced their shadows, softened their armor, slayed their demon’s and chosen joy—even when it wasn’t easy. It can even feel impossible.
So while joy looks effortless from the outside, most of the time it’s either been nurtured or intentionally cultivated.
How to begin reclaiming your joy.
Joy is a choice
Joy isn’t about pretending everything is fine or forcing yourself to “be positive.” That’s just bypassing. Real joy is about making space inside of you for it to exist again.
Here are some ways to start:
Heal the hurt. Whatever you don’t process will block your capacity for joy. Trauma healing, therapy, breathwork, and energy work aren’t just about fixing pain—they’re about reopening the channels where joy can flow.
Practice presence. The doorway to joy is now, not someday. Notice the little things: the expansion and contraction of your breath, the smell of flowers, sip of coffee, a kind smile. Presence is where joy sneaks in.
Challenge the belief you don’t deserve it. Many of us unconsciously hold the story that joy is for other people, not us. Start noticing if that belief is running in the background, and gently question it.
Build safety. Joy blossoms in safe soil. The more grounded and supported you feel in your body and environment, the more space joy has to grow.
Journal Prompts to Explore Joy
When was the last time I felt true joy, even for a moment? What was happening?
What fears or beliefs might be keeping me from fully allowing joy?
If I trusted that joy already lived inside me, what would shift in the way I move through today?
Ready to reclaim your joy?
This is the work I hold space for. If you’re ready to clear the heaviness, unravel the patterns that keep you stuck in survival, and actually open the door to joy again, I’d love to guide you.
Through breathwork, energy healing, and embodied practices, I help you not just release pain—but make space for the joy that has always been yours.
Your joy isn’t lost. It’s waiting for you to come home to it.
The Breath of Joy
A simple practice to invite joy into your body
1. Find your seat. Sit comfortably, feet grounded. Close your eyes if it feels safe.
2. Drop in. One hand on your belly, one on your heart. Inhale deeply through your nose, exhale softly through your mouth.
3. Open the chest. Inhale into your heart space, imagining your chest widening with light. Exhale to release heaviness.
4. Smile breath. As you breathe in, let a gentle smile form—on your lips or in your mind. Notice the shift.
5. Anchor joy. Inhale: I welcome joy. Exhale: I make space for joy.
✨ Just 2–3 minutes of this practice can open the doorway to joy within you.
